my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama
Is it weird to feel like Ill never have those firsts. Wake up. When youve communicated your concerns and made him aware of your needs, and when youve negotiated with your partner how those needs could be met in the relationship, its fair to give it some time to see if things change in your relationship. But often, the biological parent and significant other (you, as his girlfriend) have strong differences of opinion on what constitutes the needs of his kids and how those needs get met. Understand that it doesn't have to be on a daily basis, but more frequently than you used to. Nevertheless, if he doesnt make an effort to incorporate you into his family, things will inevitably be difficult. But, as you can imagine, the plane tickets back and forth and back and forth are incredibly expensive and push our budget to the limit as it is. So now this girl is almost 7 months pregnant..with twins. And God wouldnt send you someone elses husband. 1. This step would make him more comfortable with you, and hell easily include you in discussions even the ones involving his kid's mum. Once Im burned and you dont see what you did. This is the worst page ever. Todays article is in response to a question from a reader (via Ask Melissa!) Hi Melissa question for you when a guy is divorced for thirteen years and tells me his ex has no one so she leans on him she text often he sometimes lies to me he does not like cofertation at all am I being to controlling that it bothers me his kids are older sixteen and eighteen that ex always texting or calls about her health issue and he said it would change nothing has much Im not jealous or insurcure Im fifty three years old is he so attentive with her to me its weird at times he says they do not have a relationship but amicable she is the one that ended it they were married only six years he is a very good guy but sometimes he over does it I live with him so I see what goes on am I crazy thinking its weird ex always texting and he says that they have no relationship sometimes I should leave to me it seem he never got over his failed marriage he treats me good but I always feel she is his life are ex suppose to be the rest of his life or does it ever wide down, I love your advice. Where does he want his kids to go to school? 2. But she also taught her son to record our arguments. Another possibility is, it could be that he still harbors a lot of unresolved feelings for his ex (whether it be anger or affection), in which case he is probably not over his ex. The term "mama's boy" is often used as slang to describe a man who has an unhealthy dependence on his mother well into adulthood when he is expected to be independent and self-reliant . He s VERY affectionate towards me, loves to cuddle, showers me with gifts of love, and has a really good heart! His ex wife spoke and said it hurt his feelings. You are a grown person, single, with no dependants. Well one I know I inherited this situation and was committed to loving his son like living him. Get really clear on: What need isnt being met? So the kid knows no boundaries. Oh I didnt know she would tell . He refuses to compromise or change the situation at all. So I dont try to take over that. If shes always coming first, its time to have a talk with him about where your relationship stands. Your feelings and needs he needs to be aware of how his actions are making you feel and he needs to be willing to compromise. He needs to draw the line and assure you that hes completely moved out without leaving a trace behind. If he is going through a divorce, he has issues that he has to resolve with regard to the dissolution of his marriage (such as issues with regard to their estate, finances or kids) and that could be interfering with his readiness for a new relationship. I know my text bombing isnt great. Nearing the end. Here are eleven insightful ways to handle the situation with his babys mum. If he doesn't respond to his ex's calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren't okay and that he . Unfortunately this is one of the most frequent complaints we get from our readers, where they feel they aren't a priority for their boyfriend or husband. Again Im not perfect. While he is in the midst of a divorce, he might not be physically or emotionally available to meet your needs because his priority may be to finalize his divorce. I hear what youre going through. He says I try to control him and his life. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Many women find the man they think is the one and they drop everything to pursue . What am I then to you? Ad by Sane Solution Throat phlegm? More than that, youre right to question if there is something more going on between them as thats not normal. They eventually went to court and agreed upon Joint Custody. And he went through the process for US apparently. And thats the finely straw now. This is a boundary that needs to be set for both the childs sake and yours. LoveDevani is an independent website. And I know I wasnt my best. We were fine until the truth came relevant. Find out to see whether he actually likes you by taking this quick free quiz, Your email address will not be published. Its all fluffy in the beginning until you move in. Dealing with a partner's past can be cumbersome especially when kids are involved. I get it. Its important that you feel comfortable with how your partner interacts with his baby mama, as well as him having a good relationship with his kid. For a mother who lives nearby and/or one who is single, figuring out her new role in her son's life can be even more complicated. 50 Cent's girlfriend, Shaniqua Tompkins, gave birth to the ex-couple's only son, Marquise Jackson, in . Nevertheless, try your best to accept the situation and be supportive. You should feel comfortable with your boyfriends relationship with his baby mama, and that means knowing when theyre seeing each other. Both trips, twice a year he's staying at her house for at least a day. Thanks for confirming that I'm not just being the irrational girlfriend! The last thing you want to seem like is a jealous maniac trying to prevent a father from being with his baby. But his ex wife beat me to the punch. Basically he wants her to sign on the dotted line first before everything gets out in the open. In my articles, the message is that if a man is separated and/or going through a divorce, hes not ready or available for the kind of relationship that you wanthes not available to meet their needs because (as you said) hes going through a lot of transition, trying to figure out what he wants, and may even be trying to reconcile. about what to do when you feel like youre always second to his ex and his kids in your relationship and whether youre being impatient. I wasnt looking to over take any mom roll. 5 years wasted and now pregnant with a father who takes me for an idiot and his ex wife wear the pants. There is nothing unhealthy about him spending the night as a matter of fact, the healthiest arrangement for that baby would be for them to get a duplex, so that the child has 2 resident parents. If your boyfriend loves you and Im sure he does then hes going to want to make you happy. If your boyfriend is talking to his baby mama everyday, there is the obvious concern that he's still involved with her in some way. He recycles what I say if I lose Jordan I lose everything. Yeah, it is totally not cool for him to be spending the night at his child's mothers home. And tries brush it off. Spending time around your partner when he's on the phone with his baby's mama can provide several benefits. She Needs to Respect Your Personal Space. Or, if he is already divorced and co-parenting with his ex, there may be instances where he needs to spend time with, communicate with and/or collaborate with his ex in order to successfully co-parent their kids. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. And I feel that its time to exit. Menu. Your email address will not be published. Ok so she can raise him at her house and we raise him at ours. And when he came to ask Who does she think she is. It's no surprise my friend has also become incredibly successful herself. Feeling second to his kids and his ex is a common feeling among women who are dating a recently divorced man or a single dad. And you did the right thing by deciding to manage your own expectations and be flexible with your time! It's necessary to be open-minded, especially when it involves his baby and the mama. Such as how much time your guy is spending talking to his baby mama, whether its talking on the phone or texting, and what theyre talking about. And he stays with us so that my son has a feeling that he belongs to a real family. my ex meets my boyfriends, we all have dinner together, because as adults we all recognize that the REAL priority is the health and emotional well being of the child. The rules dont apply to single fathers. If your boyfriend is talking to his baby mama everyday, there is the obvious concern that hes still involved with her in some way. Shes only 18. I was healing from a previous long term relationship when we met, but was feeling happy. But through healthy boundaries and the support of your boyfriend to make sure she respects them, its always possible. So she can use it as collateral. It sounds like Adam is trying to please everyone and ends up feeling trapped. I am 26, and he is almost 30. This will further create a rift between the both of you. Moving in, it became a whole different ball game when it came to his son. Therefore, if you're concerned about your partner's actions, talking to him is the first step towards handling it. How far away does she live from him? i Arguments in favour of mother-only parenting are. I just want our relationship to be more normal to really find out if we have a chance to make it work. ), Hes not totally over her yet and enjoys talking to her a lot, Shes using their child as a way to manipulate him or talk to him a lot, which is also a form of control, They have long conversations sometimes even for hours or hes always the one that wants to keep talking, Hes always sharing things with her that he doesnt share with you, He still goes around her house a lot, and sometimes it has nothing to do with their child, You feel like youre always playing second fiddle to her or that shes always coming first, Hes secretive about conversations and some of the time he spends with her, How much time he spends talking to her or texting her. Therefore, try to comfort him and itll go a long way. Myself I wanted to argue away from the kid initially but he told me In The beginning whatever you can say to me you can say to him. 3. I appreciate your perspective. Its hard when it feels like youre not just dealing with him, but youre also contending with his ex-wife and his kids. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges - he says "to keep things amicable." - I don't think you're selfish, per se.. It's reasonable to want to spend time with your boyfriend.
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